Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm always down for nudity.
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