just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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