East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
sarcasm needs its own font
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
