return my video game
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
