She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
