I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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