you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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