Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
