Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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