I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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