It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
