I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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