I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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