i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
