Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
