I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
