He asked to "fluff my boner.."
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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