You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
