I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i would punch a child for taco bell
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
