We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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