Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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