The maid of honor just puked.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
