I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
