Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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