And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
