my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
