We're facebook friends in real life
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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