i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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