So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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