2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
should my penis look like a turkey
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
