she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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