yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
