literally had 100 drinks last night.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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