God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
