Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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