So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
