You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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