i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
