i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
