woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
