Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
porn star boner night. come get it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
