Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
