I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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