this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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