Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
