we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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