just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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