it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
