i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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