So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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