Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
