But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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