Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
